It's a bit more complicated than that, for me. It's more like he's a piece of the me that was around a hundred and twenty years ago. Which is still part of me, mind, but... he's a piece of my soul, and I haven't had one of those since I died the first...
[He stares at the screen, furrowing his brow.]
...They're making another Star Wars...? That's not Han Solo, what the bloody hell?
[He shakes his head, scritching Taf's ears.]
Anyway, yeah when I first died I lost it, so he's a piece of that.
[These ads are absolutely wild. She hasn't been paying attention to them so far because what's been going on with Spike has been much more important, but--what's this? They're flying through... space? How does any of that work?
But anyway. Taf is delighted at the scritches, leaning into them. His presence was originally supposed to be more reassuring for Spike after that mistake with the clothes, but he's certainly not going resist getting attention himself!]
Has it been difficult to have him back after so long?
I sort of... only half have him back. It's like how I could feel Rin's emotions, right? 'Cuz of the link?
Same principle. There's a tether between me and that part of me, I guess. We're not the same but I still... feel what he feels, it's just distant. It's what makes going without properly feeding easier, even without the chip.
Oh. [It seems strange to think about, but she's never been able to fathom Spike's insistence that he has no soul. He's always seemed to have one to her, even when he makes those sort of casual jokes about murder.]
Even if it's distant, I'm glad you have him by your side.
You were explaining the chip before I gave you that gift. It's to do with what you feed on, I assume?
[In fairness, sometimes he's not joking. Say the word and Baraqiel is dead. The presense is enough to keep him from giving into temptation, but even with the daemon, he hasn't noticably changed. It's why he didn't even notice Erastis' bleeding heart until a bit later. He still had principles before, they just weren't the type of principles that most understand.
Adultery, for one, is something he thinks is only done by the absolute scum of the earth. Murder and torture are both good fun, though.]
He and I have a complicated relationship. [He pokes Erastis' head, just once. Little dimwit.]
But yeah, not exactly. It just means I couldn't hurt people without it causing serious unavoidable agony. I stopped trying to get it removed once I fell for the Slayer.
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[He stares at the screen, furrowing his brow.]
...They're making another Star Wars...? That's not Han Solo, what the bloody hell?
[He shakes his head, scritching Taf's ears.]
Anyway, yeah when I first died I lost it, so he's a piece of that.
no subject
But anyway. Taf is delighted at the scritches, leaning into them. His presence was originally supposed to be more reassuring for Spike after that mistake with the clothes, but he's certainly not going resist getting attention himself!]
Has it been difficult to have him back after so long?
no subject
Same principle. There's a tether between me and that part of me, I guess. We're not the same but I still... feel what he feels, it's just distant. It's what makes going without properly feeding easier, even without the chip.
no subject
Even if it's distant, I'm glad you have him by your side.
You were explaining the chip before I gave you that gift. It's to do with what you feed on, I assume?
no subject
Adultery, for one, is something he thinks is only done by the absolute scum of the earth. Murder and torture are both good fun, though.]
He and I have a complicated relationship. [He pokes Erastis' head, just once. Little dimwit.]
But yeah, not exactly. It just means I couldn't hurt people without it causing serious unavoidable agony. I stopped trying to get it removed once I fell for the Slayer.