[Look, she still remembers how he was about his leather jacket... but if he's not fussy, neither is she. Blood's a fact of life, especially when you're a combatant.
(Also, Taf is jumping over to Spike's shoulders when they hug, favoring his front left leg. Congratulations, he's now part of Taf's cat-perch club :) )
But gods, does hearing that mean a lot. As always, her expression says everything, her eyebrows drawing up and together so that a little line forms between them. It has been a rough week.]
I was far from the only person to bring this about. But... I would have regretted it had I not done all I could. No matter what anybody else might think.
[Nooo, he's not bitter, not at all. Like, the cool disregard for him is fine, he'd earned that. Though, plenty of them had been nice as well. But, god. Empathy for the guilty only ever extended to a very finite number that appealed to their ridiculous standards.
Like, for one, they had to be dead. And they had to obey their human moral code of crying about it like a baby. If you can't tell, he kind of wants to kill them all.]
I know you weren't the only one, pet. But I also know every one of these squabbling self-important idiots, on both sides of the veil, they're lucky to have you.
[It's funny, coming from most people she wouldn't know what to do--she'd bluescreen before trying to change the topic fast. But with Spike... she doesn't have the same trouble accepting the words from him as she does others.
(Somehow he's snuck up on her, being able to say things like this.)]
Thank you, Spike. That means a lot, truly.
[...]
I suppose now I can answer the questions you had in Otamo, if there were anything you still wished to know.
[It's not even really bloodlust, so much as just accepting that his role back home is to do the dirty work nobody else is willing to do. Given the chance, he'd have prefered that she could share the burden with someone who would feel nothing in the face of slaughter. But he understands after his own experience that it's not quite so simple as reaching out.]
Makes sense. Everyone here says there's always some degree of compulsion, but the motives don't make much sense if that's the case.
Well, if it helps, just remember we're killing the lot of them tomorrow.
[Spike... :( But he did more for her than he maybe realizes; sure, she's had a couple of instances of crying about it like a baby, but... well, there were a lot of emotions and fears surrounding all of that. Spike's immediate understanding of what she'd been saying had been terrifying, but she'd been trusting that he wouldn't judge her for it as everyone else did--and she'd been proven correct.]
Compulsion need not always be magical in nature. They used no magic save to ensure my silence, but the threat of losing him here, then going home to watch him die a second time...
It would have been easier had it been magical.
[But Spike's right. They're killing Metatron and Xaphania on the morrow, and then they'll be free of all this. Alisaie nods.]
Our odds will be better should we remain hidden from their eyes, but I cannot say I wouldn't like a rematch against the Lord Regent. Or any of the angels, really.
[He nods. He's not even sure if the compulsion was magical for him. But they were all so sure that's just a universal truth that he didn't question it.
Maybe it helped them make nice with their murderers. But Spike's fairly sure he was in his right mind. If anything, the compulsion to tell the truth, reveal the ugly parts of his feelings instead of the parts he knows the people he loves want... that was a stronger compulsion, forcing the bitter, jealous contempt out of his throat.]
Sort of an easy thing for the rest of 'em to hide behind, yeah. You know I would've done the same thing. [For Alphinaud, or for Alisaie.] I think just about anyone would. Buffy, for one, heroic as she was, would've chosen her sister over the entire world if she had to.
[And who could blame her. He'd choose Dawn over the entire world too now.]
I'll be a bit disappointed if I don't get to sink my fangs into any of the fuckers directly, but I'll live. [A beat.] Or continue to not live, I guess.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
(Also, Taf is jumping over to Spike's shoulders when they hug, favoring his front left leg. Congratulations, he's now part of Taf's cat-perch club :) )
But gods, does hearing that mean a lot. As always, her expression says everything, her eyebrows drawing up and together so that a little line forms between them. It has been a rough week.]
I was far from the only person to bring this about. But... I would have regretted it had I not done all I could. No matter what anybody else might think.
no subject
[Nooo, he's not bitter, not at all. Like, the cool disregard for him is fine, he'd earned that. Though, plenty of them had been nice as well. But, god. Empathy for the guilty only ever extended to a very finite number that appealed to their ridiculous standards.
Like, for one, they had to be dead. And they had to obey their human moral code of crying about it like a baby. If you can't tell, he kind of wants to kill them all.]
I know you weren't the only one, pet. But I also know every one of these squabbling self-important idiots, on both sides of the veil, they're lucky to have you.
no subject
(Somehow he's snuck up on her, being able to say things like this.)]
Thank you, Spike. That means a lot, truly.
[...]
I suppose now I can answer the questions you had in Otamo, if there were anything you still wished to know.
no subject
Well, I suppose asking what motive they offered, for starters. Roxis said you were threatened, in between his sulking.
[It would have been insensitive to bring up his first reaction being "wish you'd have let me help kill him."]
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I doubt it comes as any surprise. They threatened to kill Alphinaud had I not agreed.
[He's absolutely going to get bapped and then headbutted by Taf if he says that. Spike your bloodlust...]
no subject
Makes sense. Everyone here says there's always some degree of compulsion, but the motives don't make much sense if that's the case.
Well, if it helps, just remember we're killing the lot of them tomorrow.
no subject
Compulsion need not always be magical in nature. They used no magic save to ensure my silence, but the threat of losing him here, then going home to watch him die a second time...
It would have been easier had it been magical.
[But Spike's right. They're killing Metatron and Xaphania on the morrow, and then they'll be free of all this. Alisaie nods.]
Our odds will be better should we remain hidden from their eyes, but I cannot say I wouldn't like a rematch against the Lord Regent. Or any of the angels, really.
no subject
Maybe it helped them make nice with their murderers. But Spike's fairly sure he was in his right mind. If anything, the compulsion to tell the truth, reveal the ugly parts of his feelings instead of the parts he knows the people he loves want... that was a stronger compulsion, forcing the bitter, jealous contempt out of his throat.]
Sort of an easy thing for the rest of 'em to hide behind, yeah. You know I would've done the same thing. [For Alphinaud, or for Alisaie.] I think just about anyone would. Buffy, for one, heroic as she was, would've chosen her sister over the entire world if she had to.
[And who could blame her. He'd choose Dawn over the entire world too now.]
I'll be a bit disappointed if I don't get to sink my fangs into any of the fuckers directly, but I'll live. [A beat.] Or continue to not live, I guess.